• Rachel V Perry

Fidelity Coaching- Leave your Data at the Door


Infidelity in marriage remains one of the major sources of divorce in the United States. Cheating, lying, and stealing are all forms of infidelity which create the conditions for conflict that often lead to divorce. For some- this behavior may be isolated to a one-time event; for others; it has become a way of life. The dissonance tied to data in relational transgression, places a significant role on accountability for both partners. In laymen’s terms; the data, an individual in a committed relationship chooses to save, is a direct reflection of their commitment toward (or away) from growth in that relationship. In recent news, evidence-based research from the International Data Corporation (IDC), predicted that by 2025, 'the global data-sphere will grow to 1 trillion gigabytes (163-zettabytes)'. This 2025, exponential growth of data was referred by another source, as a ‘tsunami’ in consumption of global electricity In places like Italy, as a result of the international tragedy unfolding in real-time, data has already surpassed normal usage for their country with network congestion slowing down wifi speeds . With more individuals quarantined each day, data usage will undoubtedly surpass earlier predictions by 1-2 years (2023-24). What does all this have to do with coaching you ask? Very simple- people tend to horde data; even the bad data. If forgiveness means letting-go of everything; wouldn't that include data that fractured trust in the relationship? For individuals who say they want to change, the first step is by letting go of irrelevant information that is weighing the relationship down. In a faith-based relationship, holding on to bad information stored as data, is synonymous to being held down by a weight. The couple with a 300-pound weight on top of them are unable to move. The planted seed of a tree with a 300-lb weight placed on top of its soil is unable to grow naturally, and instead sprouts crooked and splintered. Fidelity coaching provides a System for inspiration and accountability to move forward on faith. The final goal for Fidelity coaching is to overcome the posturing associated with conflict-related dissonance.

"Fidelity coaching involves challenging the individual to test and overcome assumptions in order to move forward in both time and space. The way in which you choose to move and the space you choose to move in-to, is based on your strength in moving forward on-faith and in-faith." 

I recently provided Fidelity coaching to a client who wanted to become accountable for their actions independent of their partner. Although this was the first-time, they cheated on their partner, in their younger years, there were many instances of infidelity of which she/he/they were not proud. While someone once said: ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’, I do not subscribe to negative thinking. Like the hand of time; a pendulum swings in the direction it is blown. There are cheaters and there are people who cheat; I coach the latter. As explained to potential clients in ‘setting the foundation’ for the Program; I am NOT a therapist. I coach through a client-driven process, and my goal is to inspire the client’s vision for change. Therefore; repeat cheaters are referred to appropriate sources for counseling or therapy prior to being considered for the Program. This aspect of the coaching program is covered when the agreement is established during intake. As part of the coaching agreement, potential clients are screened to assess whether a client-coach team would be a good fit for success. For the client mentioned earlier, in recognizing the conditions present to create the space for her/his/their transgression, I was able to empower the client to create ways in which they successfully recognized dissonance on their own. There is nothing more empowering to a client than to be the solver of their own problems! In testing assumptions and through powerful questions and effective communication, the client felt ‘listened to’, and empowered to create and plan their own change necessary to move forward.

So- for those who seek to get back to that 'equally-yoked' state through Fidelity coaching, please leave your data at the door!

Rachel Perry, MS

Coaching & Mediation for 2020

© 2020 by Rachel Perry. Proudly created with Wix.com